Anger is a killing thing: It kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before-it takes something from him.
Louis L’Amour
I remember listening to a punk rock song years ago and the singer screamed out that anger is energy and I thought I understood and related to it. It is only now, years later, that I actually realise what a destructive energy it actually is and work hard not to succumb to its subtle temptation.
I find that people use anger to motivate themselves when they feel that someone has sapped their strength right out of them. When they have been so hurt or felt so betrayed by someone’s actions that the only way that they feel able to motivate themselves, or to take any sort of action, is to get mad. So they get mad, real mad and stay consumed by it, burning not just their desired target but everyone around them including those that they love and wish to protect as well as themselves. Or, their anger is directed inwards at themselves for being so stupid or hurtful and they set about to self-destruct in order to punish themselves for imagined or even real wrongs that they believe that they have done to others. Instead of learning from the experience and changing to be better or better able to cope they actually start behaving in a way that doesn’t just cause them pain but everyone one around them also. It is far, far better to seek help and direct your anger and frustration to make positive changes in your life.
The trouble is that anger gives an initial burst of energy, which acts as a sort of stimulant and like any stimulant it can be addictive in nature. It distorts reality and kids us on in to believing that we need it to keep going, that it is giving us a purpose to keep going but at what cost? It is possible to use anger constructively? Yes, I actually believe so especially if you use it to learn and motivate you to change for the positive and then once you have got the learnings, made the changes, let the anger go, then it can be very useful. The problems arise when we hold on to anger and can’t seem to let it go.
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured”
Mark Twain
So how do we prevent this from happening? How do we let it go before it damages us? Well to me the answer to that depends upon recognizing the root cause of the anger and then taking action to deal with it. Who are you getting angry at or why?
What is it that you need to do or learn that will prevent you from feeling this way? Here are some simple methods that you can try to help you control anger.
Simple steps such as remembering to breathe! If I get angry I tend to forget about breathing steadily, so consciously thinking about deep calm breaths whilst combining this with visualizing somewhere nice in my head helps to calm me down and enables my brain to not just instantly react, but to think before I respond.
The next thing I do is to use my peripheral vision. Instead of focusing on the person or issue I look up slightly and practice noticing what is all around me. You can also do this when looking at a person. So, if you are arguing with your friend or boss, anyone, look at a spot just in the middle between their eyebrows. Notice without moving your eyes what is above you, to the side of you and below you. This is using your peripheral vision and instead of focusing on the problem allows you to calm down. Practice this and it will become second nature to you. It always helps calm me down when I feel anxious or stressed and you can practice it anytime to get maximum benefit.Just substitute the person for the top of a picture frame or mirror and follow the same process, without changing eye position notice what is above, below and at either side of you and relax.
Change your thought pattern simply by saying “not that” “this” and direct it to think of something more positive. I always think of something which makes me smile. Once you have regained control look at what triggered your anger. What can you learn positively to prevent it happening again? Take positive action and let the anger go.
It might be something that you can’t at present change, such as you may be going through a nasty break up and your ex is being unfair or manipulative. Becoming angry might seem best but it will only give away your control and make you look and feel bad. Keeping calm and not reacting is much better for you and much more frustrating for the person trying to get a reaction. Examine ways that will prevent you from being put in the same position. Learn positively and make any changes that you need to make to better protect yourself from this occurring again and move on.
Always remember the use of humor. “It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either. “Wayne Dyer
Whatever it is you choose to do always remember that it is your choice. You are in charge of your reactions and the choices you make so always choose positively and wisely. If someone has really hurt you the old saying is “don’t get mad, get even “.The best way to get even but at the same time not carry on the anger is to cut them out and move on successfully with your life. Do this by taking back personal control and by not allowing others to take control of you. Fill your heart up with love for the people around you that love and support you. Concentrate on them instead of negative forces and in doing so dilute its power and energy. Learn from life events and use the learning to build you and those around you up, never pull yourself down with anger and you will find your life to be an easier and happier one.